Any woman will tell you: The single most attractive thing a man can possess is confidence. But, actually getting confidence is easier said than done.
You can’t buy it. You can’t just “decide” to have it. And you certainly can’t fake it.
So how can a guy acquire this magical trait that attracts women like a magnet? It’s actually quite simple, once you know how.
Here are 10 things you can start doing right now to shoot your confidence with women through the roof, and become that charming, charismatic man that all women are looking for.
#10 – Remind yourself that you’re a catch
If you have a problem with confidence, there’s a good chance that you’re just not giving yourself enough credit. Maybe you’re being a bit too hard on yourself, or you’re having a hard time seeing all of the great qualities that you possess. Here’s an easy exercise: Get out a piece of paper and list all the reasons why you’re a “great catch.” Are you funny? Are you loyal? Ethical? These are all qualities that most women would prize.
Make a list, and make it long. Remember: A woman is more turned on by who a man is and how he communicates than how he looks or what kind of car he drives. Write down what a woman would like about you, and remind yourself of just how much of a catch you really are.
#9 – Look beyond her looks
Have you ever wondered why it’s so much harder to keep your cool around really beautiful women? We have a tendency to put far too much emphasis on the way a woman looks, and it’s an easy recipe for intimidation. But what if you knew — before she even said a word — that a particularly attractive woman was completely psycho, or that she had no sense of humor, or that she was terrible in bed? Would you feel as intimidated then? Next time you see an attractive woman, remind yourself that there is a very good chance she’s not the perfect 10 that she appears to be, and treat her just like anyone else. You’ll put yourself at ease and come across as the confident, relaxed man she is looking for.
#8 – Focus on having fun
When you are talking to a woman, do you find yourself constantly worrying about how the conversation is going or whether or not she’s into you? If so, you can bet that she senses your insecurity and nervousness, and is probably getting turned off as a result.
Next time, instead of being uptight and concerned with your goal, relax and have fun. Be playful. A conversation isn’t like a final exam that you have to “pass.” The more laid-back and care-free you are, the more confident you will naturally become, and the more attraction a woman will feel for you.
#7 – Date multiple women
Imagine that, after having gone three months without a date, you’re getting ready to meet a woman for a drink. Feeling nervous? Of course you are. But if you had dated three different women that same week, the confidence would literally be oozing from your pores. The fact is, you are naturally more confident when you have more than one “iron in the fire,” because if things don’t work out with one particular woman, you’ll have other options to fall back on. So expand your options. It will help you to relax, have fun and give off that confident vibe women love.
#6 – Practice, practice, practice
If you wanted to become a world-class swimmer, would you dangle your little toe in a pool every so often? Of course not. You’d dive in the pool every day for hours if you wanted to really improve your skills. Well, the same kind of dedication is required to develop your confidence around women.
Talking to a few women here and there is like dipping your toe in, and it’s a great strategy if you want to stay exactly where you are now. But if you want to go somewhere different and begin to feel more confidence around women, then you need to do something radically different. Start chatting up women every day, wherever you are. Take every opportunity that presents itself to interact with a woman. You’ll literally feel your confidence sky-rocketing with each and every opportunity you take.
If you find something that works, stick with it…
#5 – Succeed & repeat
They say repetition is the mother of skill. It’s also the mother of confidence. So when you find something that works at a certain step in your interactions with women, remember it and make it your “default move.” When you find a way to start conversations that works, stick with it. When you find a place that’s full of fascinating stuff to talk about, take every woman you meet there. By repeating what works, you’ll accumulate more and more confidence at each stage of the game.
#4 – Conquer your fears
Learning to act in the face of fear is a powerful way to improve your confidence with women. When you feel fear building up when you’re doing something with a woman, let it be a sign for you to do something about it. Make fear your signal to act. If you’re afraid to start a conversation, take it as a sign that you need to go over there and strike it up. If you’re afraid of picking up the phone and calling a woman and asking her out, it means you need to pick up the phone and make it happen.
By continually doing what you fear, you’ll not only get over the things that are holding you back, you’ll gain pride from conquering your challenges. Every time you win one of these little “battles,” you’ll get an instant boost to your self-esteem. And trust me: Women will notice.
#3 – Do the right thing
It’s hard to be confident in yourself if you don’t respect yourself, and self-respect comes from establishing a reputation as a good human being by doing the right thing. So even if you must go out of your way, always do what’s ethical. Maybe it’s waiting in line when there’s an opportunity to cut, or helping out a complete stranger — even if doing so interrupts your day. Choosing the high moral ground will give you a feeling of self-respect that translates into strength and confidence around women.
#2 – Be a leader
It’s a known fact that confident men are leaders, so it should come as no surprise that if you want to boost your confidence, you should become a leader as well. Be the “man with the plan.” Never “ask” a woman what she wants to do on a first date. Decide when, where and how, and show her that you’ve got things under control. It may seem strange at first, but keep it up and it will soon be second nature to be the “take-charge” man that women look for.
#1 – Improve your image
Improving your body language, fashion and grooming is the simplest and perhaps the most powerful way to improve your confidence with women. When you feel like you’re “looking good,” you send out a positive, sexy vibe that all women pick up on. So learn to hold eye contact when you catch a woman’s eye, slow down your speech and maintain a powerful, “manly” posture. Make sure your wardrobe includes a nice black shirt, cool jeans, and a belt and shoes that match. Get a haircut, trim those nails, and put on some nice cologne. You’ll be amazed what improving your image will do for your confidence and for your luck with the ladies.
Increase Your Dating Confidence
There is no better way to improve your confidence with women than to study how to be more successful with women and dating. When you have a solid knowledge of how attraction works, how women think, and specific strategies that trigger that magical feeling of sexual chemistry, you will walk around with the confidence that you know how to turn a woman on and make her want you.
So read a book, take a course, and do whatever you can to improve your skills with women and dating. The women you meet will love you for it.
David DeAngelo is the author of the book Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, and several other products.